Headhunting

I'm not sure if I've written about this before or not, but my feelings on baseball's book of unwritten etiquette are complicated. I feel like there are plenty of things that are frowned upon rightly (like baserunners calling fielders off of pop flies, a la Alex Rodriguez), quite a few that are unjustly outlawed (celebrating anything, ever), and some that are considered part of the game that shouldn't (like most, if not all, instances of intentionally throwing at a batter).

A few of these came into conflict the past couple of nights in the Dodgers-Diamondbacks series, and for me it's a really good example of baseball's automated policing system going awry. Which should surprise nobody, considering the fact that a 95 mph fastball to the ribs is judge, jury, and executioner.

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On Tuesday night, the Diamondbacks and Dodgers played a baseball game. During the seventh inning of that game, Gerardo Parra faced Hong-Chih Kuo with the bases empty and two outs. Parra decided to bunt, for some reason - with none on and two outs, I presume he was trying to bunt for a hit, as there's no other sane explanation. He squared really early, though, so I don't know what was going on there. Here's where the pitch went (credit Chad Moriyama, via True Blue LA):



As the post on True Blue LA mantions, Kuo doesn't have the best control in the league, and the Dodgers had a one-run lead at that point - why put the tying run on base? I don't think he was trying to hit Parra on purpose, and surely not square in the face; probably he was just going inside to make the bunt tougher to execute, and since he changed his pitch location at the last second he missed. That's an uninformed guess, but it makes a fair amount of sense.

What also makes sense is a man getting mad about a baseball being thrown at his face, intentionally or not. I certainly would. So when Parra homered later in the at-bat, he styled it - he watched it go (it was a no-doubter) and took his time rounding the bases. Honestly, considering some of the things I've seen people do to celebrate scoring in other sports, this is pretty mild, and understandable considering the circumstances. "You're going to throw at my face? Okay, now this is happening." In the grand scheme of things, not that bad.

Unless you're the Dodgers, who considered it a mortal sin. Catcher A.J. Ellis, who I've never heard of (possibly more a commentary on the amount of attention I pay the Dodgers than on his skill as a baseballer, as his half-win above replacement in 25 games is certainly not terrible), had words with Parra as he finished off his home run. And Clayton Kershaw went absolutely nuts (again, via Chad Moriyama by way of True Blue LA).



So something was probably destined to happen in the next game, which Kershaw (one of the top pitchers in the league, by the way) started. And sure enough, when Parra led off the sixth inning, Kershaw zitzed him (this one via Jeff Sullivan's incomparable Twitter).



As you can see at the end there, umpire Bill Welke follows up the HBP by zitzing Kershaw, ejecting him immediately. Typically I hate ejections, because I feel like a lot of them are preventable by umpires not taking themselves so damn seriously, but I am completely okay with this one.

Was Gerardo Parra being a bit of a prat? Maybe. I don't think Kuo was trying to hit him, and maybe he showed up the opposition. But I don't care about that. There's a foolproof solution to the problem of getting shown up after allowing a home run: don't give up home runs. It's one of the few things pitchers have some control over, and yet when it happens they tend, more often than not, to act like they've been victimized. Much of this was in Kuo's hands, and he botched it. It would have been bad enough if he'd been the one doing the headhunting, but for Kershaw to do it almost 24 hours later is just unconscionable. Everything here points to a premeditated attack on a specific individual for a pretty lame reason, and it puts a bit of a black mark on my estimation of a really, really good young pitcher.

I don't want to go full Plaschke here (I really REALLY don't), I don't want to get self-righteous and overbearing about meaningless stuff, but I really don't think this is meaningless. I tire of the self-importance of baseball players. They seem to think that anything that upsets them is A Blight On The Game, and take it them upon themselves to rectify such slights with deadly force. Let's not forget - it's hard to control the placement of a thrown baseball, and the impact of a fastball can change lives. People have been hit before and been thereafter unable to play baseball and earn a living. A man has died on the field. A fastball aimed at the ribs can just as well end up in the eye, just as Kuo's pitch likely wasn't meant for Parra's head. In almost every occasion, this is simply an inappropriate way for a pitcher to express displeasure about a guy reminding you that you screwed up.

I love baseball, and compared to a lot of sports it's not that bad about this, but there is a lot left from sporting antiquity still in the game, and most of it needs to leave. The idea that trying to injure someone is legitimate justice for a perceived slight; the idea that celebrations of good plays are evil; the idea that there is some great Form of Baseball that must be protected. A guy almost got hit in the face. He hit a home run. He enjoyed it. Why is that something that should cause the gnashing of teeth and the rending of clothes? Just grow up, already.

Indy 500 awards

Not pictured: Ashley Judd's hat, which won Biggest and Most Awesome Hat (Girl Category).

Last night was the Indianapolis 500 awards banquet. I didn't watch it, going instead with Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Finals (even though Indianapolis' WTHR tried really hard to get me to watch the banquet). Since I didn't watch it, I'm going to assume nobody actually watched the awards banquet. Never fear, though: I attended the race, and so I am more than qualified to dole out my own awards for the 2010 Indianapolis 500.

And I promise I won't ruin any important hockey games to do it.
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MVP: Dario Franchitti

This is a pretty obvious choice. Sorry, but I'd be an idiot to try to pick someone else. He led 155 out of the 200 laps, and he had leads of up to ten seconds at times over the second place car. He was so dominant that there were times where the sound of his engine would be gone by the time the next car passed.

I'm usually pretty upset when a race ends under yellow, because it deprives the fans of a close finish. That was definitely the case here, because as the race was ending the leaders were all running low on fuel, and in an attempt to conserve, Franchitti was slowing. Dan Wheldon had more than enough to finish, and was coming hard for Franchitti. If the race had finished under a green flag, it's hard to know what would have happened, but it's likely that Wheldon would have had a shot at the lead. But this time, I was actually okay with it. A battle to the finish would have been cool, but Dario Franchitti was so dominant over the course of the race that he deserved to win. Wheldon had been good, but not noticeable. Had he stolen the win, it would have ruined the race to an extent. I'm not really a huge Dario fan, but in that sense I'm glad that he won.

Most outstanding driver: Tony Kanaan

Kanaan had just about the worst month he could possibly have leading up to race day. He wrecked twice in less than 24 hours in the process of trying to qualify for the race, and had to scramble just to make the field. He qualified 31st, but started 33rd due to a car change between qualifications and the race.

Something about the new car (and Kanaan's considerable driving skill, obviously) was right, because he rose quickly. After half a lap, he'd already passed seven cars. After 30 laps, Kanaan was in 16th position. He was able to make it all the way to the second position and maintained that for much of the race, but he was never able to pass Franchitti. Still, though, it was a hell of a display of driving, and it was well-appreciated by the fans: our section on the main straightaway was probably about 75 percent Kanaan fans as he made his charge. He fell short of being the first to win the Indy 500 from the back row, but he was definitely the most impressive person on the track not married to Ashley Judd.

Biggest badass: Graham Rahal

There was a moment relatively early in the race where Rahal was black flagged, meaning that he had to serve a penalty of driving the length of pit lane. As he finished that penalty he was in danger of being lapped by the leader, who was Franchitti (like it was for almost the entire race). He got a blue-yellow flag, which is a signal to a slower driver that a fast car is approaching, and that s/he should get out of the way.

Graham Rahal did not get out of the way. In fact, he was able to hold Franchitti off for an extended period of time, and when the next yellow flag was waved, he got to move to the back of the line, putting him out of danger of falling a lap back. His highest position was fourth in the last quarter of the race.

This is all the more impressive if you know a bit about his story. He's a part of Sarah Fisher's team, which, unfortunately, is not very good. He got a ride with Rahal Letterman Racing (his father Bobby's team) for the 500, but his status for the rest of the IndyCar season was in doubt. In essence, Graham Rahal was driving for his job on Sunday. I don't own an open-wheel race car team, but if I did and I was looking for a driver, Rahal's performance in Indianapolis would make me a lot more interested in giving him a shot.

Best team: Andretti Autosport

Their cars started 16th (Marco Andretti), 17th (Ryan Hunter-Reay), 23rd (Danica Patrick), and 33rd (Kanaan). The team looked like a bit of a mess going into the race, to be perfectly honest. But something happened between Carb Day (the last practice day before the race) and the green flag. The team must have figured something out, because Kanaan and Andretti had two of the best performances of anyone on the track, and Patrick came out of nowhere to finish in the top ten. The team had four drivers in the top nine on lap 191. Circumstances intervened, but Andretti Autosport outperformed the starting grid, and honestly also the final results.

Most disappointing moment: Kanaan's pit stop on lap 196

Tony Kanaan drove a hell of a race, and was in position to have a shot at the win late in the day. If he'd pulled it off, it might have been the best single performance in the history of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. But unfortunately, like most of the rest of the race leaders, Kanaan was low on fuel. The last yellow flag had been on lap 161, and it came just after a round of green flag stops. There was a lot of uncertainty concerning how the race would end: would there be a rash of cars just stopping on the track, a la Michael Andretti in 1992?

That did not turn out to be the case, as most of the cars running low on fuel stopped to fill up. But on lap 196, I literally let out a yell of frustration when Kanaan did so, because it effectively shot down any chance he'd had of winning the race. In terms of team strategy, it was the smart thing to do - obviously, a driver gets more points for finishing 11th as Kanaan did than for not finishing at all (a distinct possibility without the pit stop). But to paraphrase Tom Crean, it's Indianapolis. Damn the points and go for the win. People won't remember IZOD IndyCar Series points championships for long, but winning the Borg-Warner Trophy lasts forever.

"I don't want to be a race car driver anymore" moment: Mike Conway and Hunter-Reay wreck on last lap

Watching Dario Franchitti win the race would make any kid want to drive a race car. As we discussed while leaving, any job that can cause a famous actress to sprint barefoot down a scalding asphalt road simply to get to you is a job that's probably worth having. (I'd make that more gender neutral, but Danica Patrick's husband looks like kind of a tool. Prove me wrong, Milka Duno.) However, the wreck between Conway and Hunter-Reay on the last lap was a reminder of how dangerous the sport is. Say what you like about football being a game of violence, but the day Bob Sanders experiences something like this on the field is the day I'll buy his jersey.



Conway is going to be out for at least three months with significant leg and back injuries, including a compression fracture to one of his vertebrae. He's had one surgery already and more will be needed, so hopefully Conway will recover fully.

But yeah, after seeing that, even a Judd won't get me into a race car.

More vampire evidence

Okay, so I'll admit that I've seen the first two Twilight movies. Of course, I watched the RiffTrax versions, so it's a little different. But still, I now know things about Twilight. One of them is that vampires evidently drive very quickly. Well, after getting back from the race yesterday, I found out about this.

Scheckter got a speeding ticket Friday night on Interstate 65 in Indianapolis, where the speed limit is 55 miles per hour. Police say it was difficult to clock Scheckter accurately because he was weaving in and out of traffic.

This is the last piece of evidence that I need. Tomas Schecker is a vampire, and we should all be glad that the race weekend ended without him going on a bloody rampage through the streets of Indianapolis.

Oh my god we're all in grave danger

I just noticed this last night, and now I'm really worried about going to the race today. Check out Tomas Scheckter's birthdate here.

That's right. There's only one possible explanation for this.

Tomas Scheckter is a vampire.

I just hope that he doesn't win, so that he doesn't have to endure the awkwardness of asking for blood to replace the traditional milk.

And yes, I did circle his birthdate in red on purpose. Because red is the color of BLOOD.