Monday, May 31, 2010

BLOG UPDATE: Formatting

This is how I've spent most of my day today. I think it's worth it, honestly.

In case you didn't see what I posted on Twitter (you probably didn't), I'm changing some formatting stuff on here. I've widened the blog's substantive parts to fill more of the screen (all of it, in the case of non-widescreen-using readers), and as you can probably tell I've also totally changed the color scheme. Also I've added the ability to expand and contract longer posts (and without having to leave the main page, which makes everyone's life easier).

So that's the main reason why I haven't posted much of substance today. Hopefully the site looks a little better, and you can all forgive me for the relative lack of new content today. More changes are coming, so by the end of the day Thus Spoke Keith Hernandez will be all prettied up for your viewing pleasure.

Oliver "Sunk Cost" Perez

Oliver Perez is not very good. I fact, he sucks. He's been lifted from the starting rotation and is now being used basically as a mop-up reliever. Considering he's in the midst of a 3 year, $36 million contract, that's not the best situation. However, he is contractually able to decline a minor-league assignment to fix what's wrong with him, so he's just sucking in the majors.

I saw this today from SNY's Howard Megdal, and I think I agree. Perez just needs to go.
More stuffI don't want to just reprint Megdal's whole column, so I'll just share this.

The two comparisons in the minds of Mets fans are Steve Trachsel and Bobby Jones, of course. Jones, lost after three starts in 2000, went to Triple-A, and returned to pitch to a respectable 4.46 ERA. Trachsel, who pitched to an ERA over 8 to start 2001 in roughly the same number of innings that Perez has thrown in 2010, went to the Minors, returning about three weeks later to pitch to a sparkling 3.34 ERA for the remainder of the season.

Both Trachsel and Jones had more career Major League wins than Perez, and both were older, likely making the move that much harder to stomach. But both of them wanted to get better, and both of them, especially Trachsel, found additional success in their careers by doing so.

I don't get Perez's motivation for refusing the minor league assignment. Obviously, based on the cases Megdal cites, it's worked before in the Mets organization. He can't possibly be happy throwing only mop-up innings, unless he's even weirder than I think he is. And unless he's just dumb (which I don't think is the case), he can't possibly have not noticed the fact that he is terrible. He is not going to get the chance to work out his issues in the big leagues, which is one move of Jerry Manuel's with which I actually agree (and possibly the only one this year).

He's either going to be a bad long reliever for the next year and a half, go to the minors, or get cut. The former is an untenable situation. The second is a good stop-gap measure at the very least, and could have the potential to help both Oliver Perez and the Mets. But if he refuses that, the last resort should be to end the relationship. That money is gone, and keeping Perez won't get it back. If he is unwilling to do what it takes to get better, he should not be on this team.

Music Monday: BRUUUUUUUUUCE

This is another thing that I have decided to steal from Twitter, because I like the idea. Since it's Memorial Day, I thought I would choose a song that has some relation to the military, specifically with what happens when soldiers come home. For the inaugural Music Monday, I give you the Boss, with "Born in the U.S.A."

More vampire evidence

Okay, so I'll admit that I've seen the first two Twilight movies. Of course, I watched the RiffTrax versions, so it's a little different. But still, I now know things about Twilight. One of them is that vampires evidently drive very quickly. Well, after getting back from the race yesterday, I found out about this.
Scheckter got a speeding ticket Friday night on Interstate 65 in Indianapolis, where the speed limit is 55 miles per hour. Police say it was difficult to clock Scheckter accurately because he was weaving in and out of traffic.
This is the last piece of evidence that I need. Tomas Schecker is a vampire, and we should all be glad that the race weekend ended without him going on a bloody rampage through the streets of Indianapolis.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Indy 500

This is where I am today. Sorry.

Okay, sorry about this, but this is going to be short. I'm not going to be making any more posts until tonight at the latest, because I am going to the Indianapolis 500 today (as i believe I mentioned yesterday). I'll probably write about all of this tomorrow, along with the Lakers-Suns game that occurred last night, and other things.

Enjoy the race if you watch it, and if not, enjoy the rest of your Memorial Day weekend.

Oh my god we're all in grave danger

I just noticed this last night, and now I'm really worried about going to the race today. Check out Tomas Scheckter's birthdate here.

That's right. There's only one possible explanation for this.

Tomas Scheckter is a vampire.

I just hope that he doesn't win, so that he doesn't have to endure the awkwardness of asking for blood to replace the traditional milk.

And yes, I did circle his birthdate in red on purpose. Because red is the color of BLOOD.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

WE WANT THE CUP

I still don't know whether I think this is awesome or terrible.

So even though I just ranted about how useless predictions are, I'm going to make some. This is because I find it amusing when I make predictions and through my wrong-ness, prove the point I made earlier.
More stuffThe Stanley Cup Finals start tonight. The Flyers haven't won one since 1975, and the Blackhawks haven't won since 1961. To put that in perspective, the Blackhawks haven't won the Stanley Cup since before my father was born. So these are two hungry (and in the case of Philadelphia, insane) fanbases.

The Blackhawks are definitely the faster and the more talented team. Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane are two of the sport's premier stars, and Toews has been playing out of his mind during the playoffs - he's scored at least one point (a goal or assist, for the uninitiated) in thirteen straight playoff games, which is a team record, and he has 26 points in sixteen games. Goalie Antti Niemi has also been playing unreasonably well, shoring up what was a perceived weakness for Chicago during the regular season.

The Flyers are going to have to answer that talent with toughness. They're a powerful team built more on strength than speed, and if they can take the Hawks off their game, they'll have a chance. They're also one of the more resilient teams I've ever seen: they made the playoffs by winning an overtime shootout on the last day of the season, and they became the fourth team in the history of sports to come back from an 0-3 deficit in a seven-game playoff series when they beat the Boston Bruins in the conference semifinals. Not only that, but they came back from behind 0-3 in the first period of Game 7 of that series. So they can deal with pressure. Anyone expecting the Flyers to bend under the pressure of playing in the Finals or expecting the Hawks to be able to break the Flyers' wills with a big win should...stop...expecting that, I guess. It's probably not going to happen.

The biggest variable in this series is the Hawks' Dustin Byfuglien. He's really good, but you have probably never heard of him. He's had four game-winning goals during the playoffs, leading the league. He's big, he plants himself in front of the goal, and he cannot be moved. So if that keeps up, the Flyers are up a creek.

So that's the "analysis." Now for my horrible prediction. I'm pretty new to hockey, so my feeling about this series could be totally off, but I think it's going to be a really good and really close series. I think the Hawks are going to end up winning, because talent usually trumps toughness. On the other hand, I think that the Flyers' resilience is going to help them make this a much closer series that expected. It has, for the most part, gotten them to this point, so I see no reason why they wouldn't be able to grind out a win or two.

My fool-proof prediction: Blackhawks in six games. The Flyers will probably steal one of the first two games in Chicago, and they'll get one of the middle games in Philly. But I don't see the Hawks losing this series, barring some kind of taxicab incident. Taxis are evil.

If you'd like some more analysis, go here. You'll also get some awesome music recommendations, so that's a plus.

Beat L.A.

Okay, I was not expecting that at all.

After the Magic demolished the Hawks to get to the Eastern Conference finals, the sports world practically had a coronation for them. They were supposedly so good after winning eight of their first eight playoff games that they were going to roll through the Celtics unfettered, and the road to a championship was clear.

The Celtics, on the other hand, had gone through the Heat fairly easily, and looked surprisingly good against the Cavaliers. Of course, the Cavaliers lost "because LeBron choked," and the Celtics were too old to be able to compete with Orlando.
More stuffRemember when everyone thought that? Yeah, that was dumb. Evidently nobody noticed that the Hawks and Bobcats are not that good at basketball. So the Magic got punked by the suddenly-not-old Celtics, and now Boston's in the finals. I mainly find this funny, and it's a big reason why about 95% of sports analysis is total crap (not what you find here, though!) and why it's mostly useless.

Nobody knows what's going to happen. People make assumptions usually based on faulty information (like the idea that the Atlanta Hawks were ever a good basketball team), and they make these predictions that we the viewers are all supposed to take as gospel, because if you're on television, you're automatically an "expert."

But the concentration on what's going to happen next obscures the role that analysts should be performing, one that they can actually perform. I don't want these people to play Nostradamus. I have no interest in bad predictions. What I want is for people who understand a game to explain to me what happened or what's happening. I want to understand what is happening and why it works. I want breakdowns of plays and strategies. These are things that a proficient analyst can actually do reliably, as opposed to predicting the future.

So now we come to the Western Conference. Game 6 is tonight in Phoenix. I have no idea who is going to win this game; I have no idea who is going to win this series. If I had to, I would guess that the Suns will probably win tonight and lost Game 7. What I do know for sure is this: Amar'e Stoudemire is not very good at defense, and if the Suns are going to win, they need to figure out a way to make up for that. The zone is doing that to an extent, but at some point the Lakers are going to adjust. I fear that the Suns won't be able to adjust to the adjustment, based on the fact that I'm pretty sure that Alvin Gentry is an inferior coach to Phil "X" Jackson.

I also know this: I hate the Lakers. I hate pretty much every player on the team, and I do not like Phil Jackson. I like the Suns, and I'm a Celtics fan. So I want somebody - ANYBODY - to beat L.A. I just don't know who it's going to be.

Saturday Morning Amusement: With Pictures!

Since it's officially The Weekend now, I have deemed it appropriate that we have some fun (especially since that last post was so grim). Since I'm not that creative, I'm going to do this by finding awesome pictures from the last week (and some that are just too awesome to leave out). Let's see how this goes.


This is from 1986. Evidently someone who works for Sesame Street is a Mets fan. That's Mookie Wilson and this blog's namesake with the Count. Ron Darling and Ed Kranepool have also been on the show, so that's pretty cool.


This is from my favorite Mets blog, Amazin' Avenue. It's awesome. No further explanation should be required.


Chase Utley trying to catch a baseball against the Mets the other night. He did not succeed.


Nate Robinson is awesome.

Quick morning stuff

First things first, I just want to give fair warning that this weekend may be a little light from me. My brother's graduation open house is today, and tomorrow I'll be attending the Indianapolis 500. I'll be right back up to speed after that, though, and I may be able to write more than I expect.
More stuffOkay, now to some real things. This blog has a Twitter account. Well, technically I have a second Twitter account devoted to this blog, but you get what I mean. You can get updates on when things are posted and little tidbits and things like that. If you like Twitter, you might hit that up. Here is the link.

UConn's mens basketball program has been accused of eight major recruiting infractions. That's not very good. I've never been a huge UConn fan for reasons I can't explain, but though there's always been something that rubbed me the wrong way about the school and Jim Calhoun, I honestly can't say I saw this coming at all. Just from my cursory examination of the charges, they appear to be mostly similar to those leveled against Kelvin Sampson back when he was with my alma mater (that would be Indiana University), only worse, because "false and misleading information" was given to investigators. I don't know what the endgame is going to be, but from experience I can say that if it's anything like it was/is at IU, it's about to be really not fun to be a UConn fan.

Speaking of recruiting violations, it looks like Kentucky's Eric Bledsoe may be involved in some of them. This is all still in the preliminary stages, so who knows what will come of it -- there may very well be nothing. But considering John Calipari's track record of being involved in violations (even when not directly committing the violations), this could very well be something. At the very least, we should keep an eye on it.

More will be coming later, including (hopefully) something on the NBA playoffs (BEAT L.A.) and a moderately well-informed take on the Stanley Cup Finals (%@!# PHILLY). As you can tell, I have some opinions.

Friday, May 28, 2010

RIP Gary Coleman

Gary Coleman died today. I never really watched anything that he was in - I have literally never seen a single episode of Diff'rent Strokes, and honestly I don't know of any other TV shows or any movies that he has been in. I don't mean to make fun of him, I'm just ignorant on this matter.

I do know one thing in which Coleman appeared, and I don't know of any better way in which to honor the memory of a person than referencing a guest spot from The Simpsons.


He plays a security guard in the 11th season episode "Grift of the Magi." It's not the best episode ever, but it's a pretty good one, and Coleman is very funny in it.

So go watch that show, and remember Gary Coleman fondly. "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, everyone."

Perkins got jobbed (again)

So the other night in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals, Kendrick Perkins was called for two technical fouls and thus was ejected from the game by rule. Typically this would perturb me, as I'm a Celtics fan, but at the time my brother was graduating from high school, so I was less interested than usual.

Then I saw film of the fouls, and I reached the appropriate level of rage.
More stuffThe first one was ridiculous. Perkins was trying to help a teammate up from the floor, and his hand slipped. Marcin Gortat was standing behind Perkins, and when his hand slipped, he (I assume accidentally) elbowed Gortat because, if you'll remember, he was standing right freaking behind Perkins. So Gortat decided it would be a good idea to punch the ball out of Perkins' hands, and the referee decided it would be a good idea to give Perkins a technical. If any part of that sequence makes sense to you, let me know.

The second one was maybe even more spectacular. Perkins committed a foul or something (I was watching this on replay, remember) and didn't like the call, so he said something as he was walking away. He didn't show anyone up, unlike some people

Sorry, I don't know where that came from. Anyway, he basically got a technical for walking away from the referee. That's pretty absurd.

The second one got rescinded yesterday, so Perkins is back to having six technical fouls. This is important because a player with seven technical fouls in a single playoffs receives a one-game suspension by rule. In essence, the NBA was able to fix a screw-up by Wednesday night's officials that could have totally changed this series.

The problem: that fix may only be temporary. Perkins now has no room for error whatsoever. One tech and he's out for a game. Considering the fact that the first technical was bogus as well, the NBA should have rescinded both. Stuff like this can turn a series, especially considering the fact that Glen Davis is hurt now and Rasheed Wallace is no longer able to play basketball well. Perkins is the top man on the "guarding Dwight Howard" depth chart. He shouldn't be in danger of missing a game because NBA officials are ridiculous.

This Date in History: NHL Draft

On this day in 1974, the NHL Draft occurred. In the first round, the New York Islanders selected Clark Gillies with the 4th pick. In the second round, they selected Bryan Trottier with the 22nd overall pick.


So yeah, that was a pretty good day for the Islanders.

This is awesome: Jose Reyes is a playa

I got this from Ted Berg, who is awesome.



It's New York Metropolitan hero Jose Reyes, alongside Miss USA Rima Fakih. Evidently she was on a visit to Citi Field last night. Here's another picture, because she's really attractive and wearing a Mets jersey.



Okay, carry on. That's really all I had.

Follow Friday: Hoosier Hockey

So I'm stealing this bit from Twitter, straight up. I'm going to (try to) find a blog every Friday to suggest. I can't guarantee that they'll all be to your liking, but I can guarantee that they're all to my liking, and if I like a blog and you like mine, chances are that you'll like the blogs I like. Got it? Okay good, now explain it to me.

First up is Hoosier Hockey, which is exactly what it sounds like. It's a hockey blog that looks at the game from the prospective of a lifelong Hoosier, concentrating on the game in our state (well, my state). It's been going for a while now, and it's quite good.

I'm suggesting this blog partially because of its quality and partially because I'm good friends with Peter, who writes Hoosier Hockey. He got me into blogging a while back, and is a big part of the reason why this blog exists. He also knows more about hockey than practically anyone I know (at worst, he's tied for first place). So go check out his blog.

Suggested post(s): The "WTF, Indianapolis" Series
An Introduction
Part I
Part II
Part III

Well, whaddaya know

The Mets are working on a team-wide streak of 27 scoreless innings. They shut out the Phillies for an entire series. There must not be a good sightline from the away bullpen to the plate. In honor of this great achievement, I give you the first official Thus Spoke Keith Hernandez Terrible MS Paint:



Wasn't that fun? I never would have expected that on a six-game homestand against the Yankees and the Phillies, the Mets would manage a 5-1 record. I guess all they had to do was get Maine and Perez out of the rotation.

The only problem with this is it means it's going to be a little longer before Jerry Manuel finally (finally!) gets fired. Maybe if Fernando Nieve's arm falls off (he's appeared in 27 out of 48 games, tying him for the league lead with teammate Pedro Feliciano) they'll can him. It would be nice if it didn't have to come to that, though.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Uniforms: Toronto Blue Jays

I'm on my way to go to my high school alma mater's regional track meet (let's go 4x8!), so this is going to be my last post of the day. Thanks to whoever's been reading today, and to whoever reads these in the future, pretending like they're new.

I am a uniform nut, for some reason. I have been known to look more favorably on a team whose uniforms I like. That's weird. But I can't help it.

Let's take the Toronto Blue Jays as an example. Their uniforms right now are really, really bad. Here's what they look like:



See? They're terrible. That was the best picture I could find, because nobody wants to see them. Most of the pictures show the "old-school" uniforms, like from the early 1990s. Those look like this:



See how awesome that looks? The hat is the best part. I actually own one of them, and I'm not a Blue Jays fan at all. It just looks cool. And they're effective -- back when those were Toronto's primary uniforms, they were actually good at baseball. They won the 1992 and 1993 World Series.



See how happy Joe Carter is? It's not because he just hit a World Series-winning home run. It's because he looked good doing it. Ditch the black-and-silver crap, Jays.

This is awesome: Ray stung by ray

Okay, so the Tampa Bay Rays used to be called the Devil Rays, back when they used to be horrible. Devil rays are fish, and they live in the Tampa area's bodies of water and such. They look like this:



Sean Rodriguez is a player for the Tampa Bay Rays. According to Google Images, he looks like this:



Now here's the interesting part. The former stung the latter on Monday. Yeah, that's right. A Ray got stung by a ray. Now isn't that rich? He bled a lot, and teammate Jason Bartlett helped him take care of it, after a call to the paramedics.

Maybe at some point these guys will take care of Derek Jeter. That would be nice.

Some fans are really dumb

MLB All-Star voting has started. Well, it started a while ago, but they made the first announcement of who's winning. There are some surprises. Not the good kind, either. I'm going to go through some of my favorites.
More stuff
4. Mark Teixeira, 1st in AL 1B

This one is kind of excusable, what with the whole "being on the Yankees" and "usually being really good" thing. But right now, he's not good. He has a 0.2 WAR (wins over replacement), which sucks. Also a .210 BA and a .370 slugging percentage, which also suck. 7 HR and 30 RBI is kind of good, but not really.

You know who's way more awesome? KEVIN YOUKILIS. This is not just me being a Red Sox fan, he's legitimately better this year. He has a .311/.457/.602 slash line, which is good. 10 HR and 29 RBI is roughly the same as Teixeira. And Youkilis has a 2.5 WAR, which is pretty good, and way better than Tex.

So yeah, Yankee fans are lame (sorry, Yankee fans).

3. Placido Polanco, 1st in NL 3B

Polanco isn't bad, as much as it hurts me to say that. But there's a player outperforming him at his position, and Polanco is not a superstar player, so there's no legitimate excuse for him leading the third base voting (the Phillies being good is a terrible reason to vote a player onto an All-Star team).

Have you ever heard of Casey McGehee? He's the third baseman for the (admittedly not very good) Brewers. I'm going to pick some good stats and some popular stats by which to compare them.

Popular...
BA: Polanco .311, McGehee .306
HR: Polanco 5, McGehee 9
RBI: Polanco 21, McGehee 40
Good...
wOBA: Polanco .352, McGehee .390
wRC+: Polanco 115, McGehee 144
WAR: Polanco 1.4, McGehee 1.3

So yeah, McGehee's better, for the most part, except for BA and WAR (where I'd say there's a negligible difference).

2. Jimmy Rollins, 1st in NL SS

Jimmy Rollins is an ass, but his slash line right now is .341/.462/.634 so I guess I should give him a break.

What's that? He's played 12 of 45 games this year (that's 33 games missed, for the lazy)? Ike Davis has played more, and he's only been in the major leagues for a month. This is stupid. Hanley Ramirez is in second place, and honestly, even if Rollins had played a full season, it's likely Ramirez would deserve the starting spot more (unless you're voting only based on hustle, in which case you probably already voted for David Eckstein even though he's terrible).

Hanley Ramirez is really good at baseball.

1. Pat Burrell, 4th in AL DH

I don't know who is voting for Pat Burrell. I have one friend who is a Rays fan, and he hates Pat Burrell. He only refers to him as a bum. Thus, I'm assuming it wasn't Rays fans voting for him. Based on his statistics, it also can't be "people who have been watching baseball this year." He has a .202/.292/.333 slash line and a .284 wOBA, which is horrible. Scott Podsednik's BA is higher than Burrell's OBP, and Scott Podsednik isn't good. Burrell is so worthless that the Rays cut him, and he hasn't been signed by another team. Yeah, he had more votes than David Ortiz, and he's not even on a baseball team. I almost hope he wins, just to see what happens. I hope he'd wear a blank jersey, like Sammy Sosa in Hardball.

This is all great evidence for why fans shouldn't be voting for the All-Star teams, if they're going to be deciding home-field in the World Series. Because we vote for stupid players.

Here we go.

Keith Hernandez is awesome, and you can't convince me otherwise.

Why, hello there. If you're reading this, you probably know me (or you're just following me via Facebook or Twitter), so I'm not going to go into too much detail about who I am or why I'm writing this blog. But in short: I'm Thomas, and I'm a sports fan. I like baseball and hockey and soccer; I dabble in basketball and football. I like the Mets and the Red Sox. I like the Islanders and the Capitals. I like Arsenal FC. I like the Pacers and the Celtics and the Steelers.

I'm going to write mostly about the sports and the teams that I like (see above). I'll branch out a bit from that, but we'll see how often I see fit to do that. Hopefully most of the time I will be at least slightly amusing; sometimes that won't be possible, but when it is, hopefully I can bring a smile to the reader's face. Occasionally I will write about things that are not sports, like music and random facts and stuff. No politics, though -- I have another blog for that which I will likely plug liberally. I might occasionally link to other stuff I've written in the past. I'll link to things other people have written as well.

Hopefully as time passes we can have some recurring series and inside jokes and things like that. I'm thinking of having a Twitter-ish Music Monday and Follow Friday thing, so we'll see how that goes. In case you can't tell, I'm playing this blog a bit by ear. I have plans, and those will be revealed to us all as time passes.

Also, in case you're wondering, the blog name comes from the best first baseman ever, Keith Hernandez. He played for the Mets in the 1980s, including the 1986 world championship team. He was awesome, and should be in the Hall of Fame (but we'll probably get to that later). Additionally, he's now part of the best TV crew in the business, as a color analyst for the Mets on SNY. He says ridiculous stuff quite often. Hence, "Thus Spoke Keith Hernandez." See what I did there?

Basically, all I ask you is this. Read my stuff for a week. If you don't like it, give it another week. Repeat that until you do like it.

Thanks for reading. Let's have some fun.